Now I Ain't Sayin' He's a Gold Digger: Strephon to Celia. A Modern Love Letter by Mary Leapor

I hope you'll think it's true
I deeply am in love with you (1-2)

And though 'tis true I'm something better,
Yet I can hardly spell my letter:
And as the latter you may view
I hope you'll think the former true. (7-10)

That scorch my forehead to a cinder,
And burn my very heart to a tinder. (17-18)

Your hands (no wonder they have charms) (21)

Your teeth -- though numbers out of spite
May say they're bones -- yet 'twill appear
They're rows of pearls exceeding rare. ( 26-29)

I hear you have ten thousand pound:
But that as I a trifle hold,
Give me your person, dem your gold;
Yet for your own sake 'tis secured,
I hope -- your houses to insured (30-34)

You've wealth enough 'tis true, but yet
You want a friend to manage it.
Now such a friend you soon might have, (37-39)

Or Else this very moment dies-- (47)

The speaker of the poem, Strephon, lays it on pretty thick as he expresses his affections. He says, /I hope you'll think it's true / I deeply am in love with you/ (1-2) this is a solid way to open a love letter. But he quickly makes some observations that show where his real interest lie.

He notes the women's hands and in a slight aside says /no wonder they have charms/ (21), referring to the rings on her fingers. He calls her teeth /rows of pearls exceeding rare/ (28), while teeth have been called pearls, it is a little strange to mention that they are "exceeding[ly] rare". It turns them from a moderate luxury to an even more expensive one. For some reason he thinks it is enduring to point out that he has heard she "[has] ten thousand pound" and he "a trifle" (30-31). The world “trifle” meaning “An insignificant quantity or amount” (trifle, n), which is to say, he has no money. Kudos for the honesty but he really is failing at selling himself.

He goes on to explain that she must want a "friend" to take care of her estate and essentially says that friend is going to be him.

For me this poem is less striking in comparison to Swift’s “The Lady’s Dressing Room” or Montagu’s “The Reasons that Induced Dr. S. to Write a Poem Call’d the Lady’s Dressing Room”. The imagery in this poem is much less shocking (Swift) or biting (Montagu) as found in the others. The subtleties of Montagu’s piece challenges stereotypical gender rules as applied by Swift. It could be argued that Leapor does the same by having a male “gold digger”, however, the idea of a male opportunist or thief does not feel out of the ordinary. We have examples of opportunistic “gold diggers” prior to the poem, such as, Petruchio from Shakespeare’s Taming of the Shrew. The Oxford English Dictionary’s examples of the slang “gold digger” starts in 1916 and while their definition does attribute the term to females, the entry also attributes the term as American. By removing the modern influence of the situation, it seems that this is not necessarily a gender role reversal.

Leapor does use meter to introduce some of the clues to Strephon’s deception. While most lines have eight syllables, the few couplets that contain nine seem to mark his lies. The only line that is catching is the final one /Or else this very moment dies/ (47). This changes the tone of the poem, from one of ulterior motives to one of desperation. It is clear that Strephon is not sly in his wooing; his unorthodox mentioning of his and Celia’s differing monetary holdings could be read as accidental. If Strephon is truly so poor that he seeks out Celia and fumbles his love letter so badly, it is possible his situation is worse than he claims. If he could at “this very moment die” because of his poverty, then it would make sense why he “accidentally” brings up Celia’s money. At first glance Strephon seems like a gold digger by our modern standards. However, he might just be that desperate.

Cristina Yang Approves This Twisty Reading

From "To His Mistress Going to Bed" by John Donne

Like pictures, or like books gay coverings made
For laymen, are all women thus array'd.
Themselves are only mystic books, which we
--Whom their imputed grace will dignify--
Must see reveal'd. Then, since that I may know,
As liberally as to thy midwife show
Thyself; cast all, yea, this white linen hence;
There is no penance due to innocence:
To teach thee, I am naked first; why then,
What needst thou have more covering than a man?
(lines 39-48)

Donne is a man with many verbal charms at his disposal, this poem is an excellent example. After multiple explicit references to the lover's body, the poem takes a small breather on the key up sexuality. Instead of focusing on specific body parts or clothing concealing said parts, the poem shifts to appeal. Sure, there's the /women thus array'd/ (40) like open books, but the comparison to a book is less raunchy than the /hairy diadem/ (16) mentioned earlier. Saying a lover is a /mystic book/ (41) brings depth to them, it shows a bit of recognition by the speaker of the poem that this lover is more than just a sexual object. They are a lesson to be learned, something to be studied, practiced and understood. That is more steamy than any old run of the mill strip tease. To be familiar with a women /as liberally as to thy midwife/ (44) brings a sense of vulnerability. Midwives are there through what is arguable the most painful and difficult experiences of a women's life, for a lover to want to be as well versed in those means shows some dedication.

The final lines take a turn for the icky, but for the sake of wrapping this up I'm going to dive into a twisty acceptance of what is being said (this is a disclaimer fyi, I am specifically reading into this for personal reasons that require the use of the gif featured). Keeping in mind the idea of a women/lover as a book the line, /What needst thou have more covering than a man?/ (48) can be taken to mean a man as a book cover. A book cover can be removed, it only compliments the contents within. Its main purpose is to protect the book from damage. Read this way, it comes off pretty sweet.

Alright, now to make good on that disclaimer:
I have to admit that if any man had ever compared me to a "mystic book" I would have been into it. Admit to me that I could slip the dust jacket off at my own will to show that I was self reliant and only choose protection? Into it. As Cristina Yang said, "If you want to appease me, compliment my brain!"

Why'd You Have to go and Make Things So Complicated?

Jordan by George Herbert

Who says that fictions only and false hair

Become a verse? Is there in truth no beauty?

Is all good structure in a winding stair?

May no lines pass, except they do their duty

Not to a true, but painted chair?

It is no verse, except enchanted groves

And sudden arbours shadow coarse-spun lines?

Must purling streams refresh a lover's loves?

Must all be veiled, while he that reads divines,

Catching the sense at two removes?

Shepherds are honest people: let them sing:

Riddle who list, for me, and pull for prime:

I envy no man's nightingale or spring;

Nor let them punish me with loss of rhyme,

Who plainly say, My God, My King.

Herbert's poem is simply brilliant, literally. This particular poem proves its own point, that poetry does not have to be difficult or wrapped up behind references to be beautiful or to convey a message. He calls other lines of poetry "coarse-spun" (line 7), meaning: thick, bulky, uncomfortable. I liken it to an itchy sweater. The word "purling" (8) according to the OED means, "to flow with a swirling motion and a murmuring sound; to gurgle", that sounds like a modern day jacuzzi and I feel it is pretty safe to say that no one's love was ever truly "refresh[ed]" in a hot pool of swirling human shed skin and... (I already went too far, I will allow the reader's imagination to cause its own mental anguish here).

The final stanza is where the poem does what the poem contends poetry can do: make sense! Herbert opens the stanza with a statement, /Shepherds are honest people/ (11); he does not complicate the meaning, it is simply a fact. No simile of "like" or "as", just simply "are". The thirteenth line could be considered the most ambiguous, /I envy no man's nightingale or spring/ (13); it is strange because there is no clarification to what is exactly meant of "nightingale" and "spring. By not clarifying these images the reader can quickly dismiss them and at the same time they can recognize the potential complexity of those images; they understand that "nightingale" and "spring" belong to some "man" and what that kind of ownership means to them is irrelevant (I wonder how Herbert would feel to find that poets never let go of either the "nightingale" or "spring" as metaphor; I also wonder if John Keats read George Herbert's work).  Essentially, it says, "I am not jealous of those guys' complications" and that is pretty relatable. 

Betrayed by London: "Will and Testament" by Isabella Whitney

The time is come I must depart  

   from thee, ah famous city. 

I never yet, to rue my smart, 

   did find that thou hadst pity. 

Wherefore small cause there is that I 

   should grieve from the [to] go. 

But many women foolishly, 

   like me, and other mo'e, 

Do such a fixed fancy set 

   on those which least deserve. 

That long it is ere wit we get, 

   away from them to swerve. 

But time with pity oft will tell 

   to those that will her try 

Whether it best be more to mell, 

   or utterly defy. 

And now hath time me put in mind 

   of thy great cruelness, 

That never once a help would find 

   to ease me in distress. 

Though never yet wouldst credit give 

(lines 1-21) 

The entirety of "Will and Testament" is a defiant act of shaming the city of London for not caring for its people. Specifically, Whitney feels betrayed as women. Not legally allowed to have a will, she writes a scathing poem under the guise of a will to address the ugliness of her city and its coldness towards all. 

/And now hath time me put in mind / of thy great cruelness/ (17-18) 

These lines show that the speaker has been mulling over the injustices for a very long time. However, when read with the hint of sarcasm that coats the entire poem, the reader feels bad for the speaker. The bitter mood the poem offers hints at a real deep love the speaker has harbored for their "home". There is a real sense of betrayal emanating from the poem and we get the that the speaker clearly feels tricked. In a way the speaker should have known better. That's the point they make with the following lines,  

But many women foolishly, 

   like me, and other mo'e, 

Do such a fixed fancy set 

  on those which least deserve (7-10) 

This is observational; she has watched many other women give attention to those who do not deserve it. She has experienced a lifetime of other women placing their energy into things (men, family, friends...) who do not deserve or reciprocate the efforts made. Furthermore, they continuously do this dance of inequality. She calls women, herself included, "foolish": that is the key word. The word "foolish" invokes a feeling of regret or self-judgment; the irony being that foolish can mean "lacking judgment". This self-imposed displeasure is caused by the fact that she, specifically as a woman, had viewed this situation countless times before. Though her "fixed fancy set" onto London as a whole does not diminish the idea that she should have known what would have come of her loving loyalty. By speaking of London as a human lover, Whitney expresses a bigger betrayal than that of a real person. It is not just one betrayal by one person; it is everyone, herself included, who is to blame for the overwhelming failure of equality for all. 

  

  

She Who List Not Those Who List Her: "Whoso list to hunt" by Sir Thomas Wyatt

Whoso list to hunt, I know where is an hind, 

But as for me, alas, I may no more;
The vain travail hath wearied me so sore,
I am of them that farthest cometh behind.
Yet may I by no means my wearied mind
Draw from the deer, but as she fleeth afore,
Fainting I follow. I leave off therefore,
Since in a net I seek to hold the wind,
As well as I may spend his time in vain;
And graven with diamonds in letters plain
There is written her fair neck round about,
Noli me tangere, for Caesar's I am,
And wild for to hold, though I seem tame.

List = desire
Travail = labor

It is pretty well established how creepy Petrarchan poetry is, however, this poem feels a touch different for me. Just this once, I hear the women behind the words.

The speaker says /in a net I seek to hold the wind/ (line 8), the "wind" could be taken two ways. One: this wind-women is fickle, and too ethereal to grasp; this view lines up with Petrarchism. Two: the wind-women is too strong, powerful or maybe even too destructive to hold; this one sounds threatening and a certain kind of women would take this as a compliment, this is the women I hear.

"Noli me tangere" latin for "do not touch me"

The reference in line twelve is twisted into a really gross understanding. Essentially the women is physically marked, tattooed, on here neck with her owns her. But it is the last line of the sonnet is what changed that meaning for me. The syntax of the poem makes the final line, /And wild for to hold, though I seem tame/ (14), seem like a continuation of the proceeding line, making it appear that line fourteen is text that is also found written on the women's neck. Why then does the inscription use a personal pronoun, twice, to get the point across? When we take into consideration the metaphorical potential of the poem referencing Wyatt's history with Anne Boleyn we can apply a more realistic idea. The lines instead represent a piece of jewelry, such as a necklace worn, by choice or not, around /her fair neck/ (12). This offers a visual warning to others that she "belongs" to another. The personal pronoun "I" used here points to the choice made to continue to wear this ownership. The final line is the women openly warning others to leave her alone. She addresses onlookers, /And wild for to hold, though I seem tame/ (14), telling them that just because she seems like someone they want, that it would be fun to "hold" her, she is decidedly "tame": not interested.

The modern era is no stranger to unwanted male attention towards women. As seen in Wyatt's poem, women develop visual cues in order to combat some of these attentions. Some single women will wear fake wedding bands when they go out as an easy symbol to say, "No thanks, I'm married". It seems time to inscribe those fake bans with the latin "noli me tangere", do not touch me.

Cleopatra and The Queen Bee Trope: Shakespeare's "Antony and Cleopatra"

How is Cleopatra a Queen Bee and why is it a trope? The informal definition of queen bee is, "a woman who has a dominant or controlling position in a particular group or sphere".

The trope is as follows: Beautiful, rich, manipulative, and commands attention. The Queen Bee reigns over her subjects until challenged by another women, this challenger makes her question the validity of her beauty (beauty being the primary source of the attention she attracts, it is the most important trait in the trope) and we see the QB (is the male equivalent the 90s-esque Quarter Back trope?) attempt to dismantle the beauty of the other women to maintain  

Start at 4:40

End clip at 7 minutes flat

her position. Either the Queen Bee is dethroned and the cycle begins anew, or the Queen Bee abdicates her thrown in a symbolic act of solidarity as she joins women on a somewhat more equal footing because she no longer employees her Queen Bee weaponry against other women. Cleopatra is literally a queen in charge of a country, however, if we remove Cleopatra from her crown she still displays the characteristics of the Queen Bee. She is surrounded by very loyal servants such as Charmian and Iras who die with her. Her beauty makes her magnetic and she uses that power to control the people around, specifically men. Egypt, in the play, is considered very rich which means so is its Queen. There is a similarity between the Queen Bee traits and Orientalism; specifically, the mystique, the indescribable, and the seemingly incomprehensible way all these traits work together to form a specific aesthetic. 
We see this trope working as she questions a messenger to describe Antony's wife Octavia. The audience is aware of Cleopatra's beauty, it's been waxed poetic several times before this scene. The actors, specifically Charmian's, do a wonderful job of capturing the nuance and fragility Cleopatra is experiencing in the moment by cuing to one another to speak as to not upset her.
Cleopatra
-----
Cleopatra
  Is she as tall as me?
Messenger
  She is not, Madam.
Cleopatra
  Didst hear her speak? Is she shrill-tongued or low?
Messenger
  Madam, I heard her speak; she is low-voiced.

Cleopatra
  What majesty is in her gait? Remember,
  If e'er thou look'dst on majesty.
Messenger
  She creeps.
  Her motion and her station are as one.
  She shows a body rather than a life,
  A statue than a breather

  Guess at her years, I prithee.
Messenger
  Madam,
  She was a widow --
Cleopatra
  Widow? Charmian, hark!
Messenger
  And I do think she's thirty.
Cleopatra
  Bear'st thou her face in mind? Is't long or round?
Messenger
  Round, even to faultiness.
Cleopatra
  For the most part, too, they are foolish that are so.
  Her hair, what colour?
Messenger
  Brown, Madam, and her forehead
  as low as she would wish it.
Cleopatra
  There's gold for thee.
  Though must not take my former sharpness ill.
  I will employ thee back again; I find thee
  Most fit for business
-----

Somewhat not astonishing is every trait Cleopatra and the Messenger talk about are still modern traditional ideas of beauty to some degree: height, voice, movement (grace), age, marriage status, roundness of face and hair color; all still relevant to our cultural portrayal of beauty. Voice may seem a little out of place however, women are currently facing more criticism over the sound of their voices with the rise of podcasting. The term "Vocal-fry" is being thrown at women who (seem to) lower their voices during sound recording in an attempt to attenuate the higher natural pitch of their voice, listeners (men) say it creates an irritating popping noise like bacon in a frying pan. So what's the purpose of the Queen Bee trope? Does a trope have a basis in reality that authors have magnified? I personally think so. Like many, I went to public school and the Queen Bee existed; albeit, with much more reasonable degrees of money, beauty and manipulation skills. But what is the trope doing for us on a social level? The insecurities presented by challenging the QB with another women does two things: One) it shows that the QB is not the perfection she emanates and two) it lowers the audiences' expectations of a women which devalues her position. Sounds like misogyny and the only reason it skates under the radar is because of the dirty trick being played on us; the queen openly devalues other women when challenged. How can taking away strength from a women be misogynistic if she is doing the exact same thing to another women? How is it misogynistic if there is a queen at all? We have been manipulated into complacency because of the trope. 


Luckily, we have wonderfully funny women like Tina Fey to help sort out some of the problem.
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